Dutch Bros' Worst Shake Is Way Too Artificial For Our Liking

Giving Starbucks a run for its money, Dutch Bros offers one of the most unique and customizable menus of any coffee chain. Coffee drinks, both hot and iced options are combined with whimsical dessert flavors to satisfy your sweet tooth and caffeine craving. But, if you're looking for a caffeine-free treat, look no further than Dutch Bros' selection of shakes that runs the gamut of classic and novelty dessert flavors. We sampled and ranked several Dutch Bros shakes according to sweetness, flavor development, and overall enjoyment, and determined that Dutch Bros' Birthday Cake Shake was the worst. 

Made with cupcake and white chocolate syrups, a vanilla ice cream shake mix base, and a topping of whipped cream and sprinkles, Dutch Bros' Birthday Cake Shake certainly looks festive. The first sip certainly brought a rush of nostalgia that makes birthday cake flavors so popular these days, but subsequent sips became more and more disappointing. While milk shakes are supposed to be sweet, this shake was overly sugary tasting. The tooth-aching sweetness wasn't the only disappointment as the birthday cake flavor itself ended up tasting like a bunch of artificial chemicals the more our taster imbibed. Since all Dutch Bros shakes are lighter and slushier than the thick and creamy milkshakes you might get at an ice cream shop, we were hoping that this iciness would dilute the sweet richness. But as this shake melted and became warmer, the artificial taste took over. Unless you want a sugary chemical soup, avoid Dutch Bros' Birthday Cake Shake.

Dutch Bros customers on Reddit, Instagram, and Facebook all complained that the Birthday Cake Shake was entirely too sweet. That said, many of them commended the flavor as an accurately representing the taste of birthday cake, with one Facebook user stating that it "tastes like a [vanilla] cupcake." Other customers on Reddit thought it had a distinctly "nutty" flavor, which one Redditor attributed to the cupcake syrup containing Almond Roca syrup. Like our taste tester, many also loved the sprinkle topping for the pop of color and nostalgia. 

Still, even customers who like the shake might want to consider ordering a small one because of how intensely sweet it is. Another option to lessen the sweetness of the shake is to turn it into a Dutch Bros Freeze — that is, add a shot or two of espresso. Customers on Reddit also said they customized their iced coffee drinks with birthday cake flavors. Apparently you can also turn your Birthday Cake Shake into a caffeinated protein drink, as per some reviwers on TikTok. Whichever iteration you choose, the bitterness of espresso or iced coffee will certainly balance the sweetness of the cupcake and white chocolate syrups. 

But, if it's the artificiality that you can't get past, there are better shake flavors. There was nothing artificial (or too sweet) about Dutch Bros' Vanilla Shake. Its richly aromatic flavor, simplicity, and balanced sweetness landed this shake in first place of our ranking.