Bob Dylan's Strict Seafood Rules That Everyone Obeys When Touring

"I ain't no monkey, but I know what I like," sang Bob Dylan in his song, "Buckets of Rain." Dylan's tour rider is proof of just that. With as much as the iconic folk singer has performed live over the years, it's no surprise that his rider's specifications are down to an exact science. What may surprise fans are the precise details it contains regarding food — seafood in particular. In 2022, The News-Gazette of Illinois, acquired a copy of Dylan's rider following a concert in Eugene, Oregon. It's filled with just as many "don't dos" as "to dos" — no doubt culled from years of bad food experiences on the road.

Based on the evidence in hand, the "Blowin' in the Wind" singer has strong feelings about fish, with the rider exclaiming in all caps, "No FROZEN FISH, TALAPIA or TROUT!" So what kind of seafood meets Dylan's criteria? Passable options include tuna, salmon, swordfish, shrimp, lobster, halibut, yellowtail, and mahi-mahi (although swordfish is a fish that restaurant workers rarely order, according to Reddit).

Whichever seafood (or any other protein) he's served, Dylan wants it the same way — fresh, grilled, and "NOT drenched in any kind of sauce," per the rider. But when it comes to Sunday, things get even more specific, with the document insisting on smoked salmon. However, Dylan and his band may not want it on any other day of the week, as the rider also pleads for proteins other than salmon and chicken, which are offered too frequently for the Rock & Roll Hall of Famer.

Of course, the rider goes beyond seafood. Overall, Dylan's dining concerns seem to center around health-consciousness, variety, flavor, and all-around quality, even down to china plates, silverware, and cloth napkins.

The directive further breaks things down by meal, with breakfast specs including a "fully functioning espresso machine." Sausage is reserved for Sunday and bacon or turkey bacon during the rest of the week, and a "half-healthy, half-sugar" assortment of cereals. Eggs are to be scrambled or made-to-order but he also demands the location that they're cooked as, "somewhere isolated from the general dining area," with no reason given — although maybe it's to do with smell.

Banned items at lunch include sweet relish in tuna or egg salad, and cold soup. Freshness and variety are also key to salads and vegetables. Salad bars should be a minimum of ten items — iceberg lettuce is a firm "no." Cooked vegetables should be fresh, not overcooked, and "lightly seasoned." Carbs, whether rice, potatoes, or grits, should only be one in number. And whichever he had for breakfast, don't repeat at lunch. The "Masked and Anonymous" actor likes to switch things up with dessert too, requesting no "dull" desserts. Perhaps they could offer up figgy pudding, one of his favorite holiday classics.

Alcohol doesn't appear on the rider, so no bottles of Heaven's Door, Dylan's co-created whiskey brand. His rider does call for tea in the dressing room, along with six uncut lemons, honey (unopened), raw ginger, and a cutting board with knife — vocal cord care, perhaps?

"You're gonna have to serve somebody," Dylan sang on his 1979 album, "Slow Train Coming." As it turns out, someone's gotta serve Dylan at every stop along the tour. Hopefully they get it right, "Most of the Time."