There Is A More Polite Way To Tell Your Restaurant Server That You Know The Owner

If you have spent any portion of your life working in restaurants, you know what the two worst things are: customers who think they own the joint, and customers who think that they know the owner of the joint. When a customer name-drops the owner in casual conversation, whether it's as soon as they walk through the doors or order at their table, it's perceived as more of a threat than a genuine aside. 

Although, as a customer, it may seem like a good way to distinguish yourself as someone worthy of a special dining experience, the reality is that it may not get you anything at all. According to Nikesha Tannehill Tyson — etiquette expert from the Swann School of Protocol in Shreveport, Louisiana and co-author of the book "Gracious Living" — "Mentions of knowing the owner should not be an attempt to get faster service, premier seating, special treatment, or apply pressure if there is a complaint." 

Simply put, mentioning the owner by name does is bad restaurant behavior. If you, for some reason, think it's still appropriate to say that you know the owner, the best way to do it, per Tyson, is to "lead with niceties." She gave the example phrase of "I'm excited to be here, I met the owner at a conference last week." This doesn't place unnecessary pressure on staff, nor does it give the impression that you're going to try to weasel your way into drinks on the house.

Name-dropping is never appropriate when you're trying to get something out of the deal, whether that's free drinks, discounted appetizers, or a fast pass to the front of the waitlist. But that begs the question: Are there circumstances where that behavior is warranted? 

Nikesha Tannehill Tyson told Tasting Table that you can say that you know the owner if you have a "special arrangement" (like if the owner said they would cover drinks or food specifically) or if they had suggested that you come by and let them know when you do. 

If you have compliments to give about your experience, you can also tell your server to pass them along to the owner at the end of the visit. That way, you're not hanging any sort of expectations over their head throughout the duration of your meal. After all, Anthony Bourdain was a proponent of being kind to servers — and you should be too.