The Worst Screamin' Sicilian Frozen Pizza We Tried Is Riddled With Textural Woes

The frozen pizza section of the grocery store might seem no different from the rest, but when you start to pay attention, it is nothing short of an icy warzone. Each time you stop in for your weekly shop, there is some new offering hoping to catch your eye, as well as a slew of discounts aiming to deal a monetary blow to rival brands, undercutting and outcompeting them. Tasting Table's Megan Hageman waded into this saucy, cheesy battleground to take on one of the higher-end frozen pizza brands out there and deliver a no-holds-barred ranking of the Screamin' Sicilian pizza offerings. As with any ranking, there must be a loser, and in this case it was the Thin & Crispy Pepperoni & Sausage Pizza that came up last, delivering what was, for her, a deeply disappointing experience.

In her assessment, it starts with the crust, the bedrock of any good pizza. While the box touts its thin and crisp texture, for her it came out with an unfortunate combination of consistencies: Extra crunchy at the edges, but limp in the center — and the trouble didn't stop there. The cheese, too, was a letdown, taking on a texture that wasn't quite the gooey, melty goodness that one looks for in a piping hot pie, instead coming out with an unpleasant rubberiness. That combination was enough to send it to the bottom of her list, but she did have some good things to say about it as well. The spices in the sauce really shone through, delivering a richer flavor than one finds in most frozen pizzas. The sausage and pepperoni were also of top quality, though she found herself wishing there were a few more slapped on the frozen 'za.

There certainly are some reviewers out there that agree that the Screamin' Sicilian Thin & Crispy Pepperoni & Sausage Pizza misses the mark, and the reasons that they give run the gamut. One user from Tennessee using the handle "MrBill" took issue primarily with the toppings, and headed to the Screamin' Sicilian website to give the pizza two stars out of five. "Overtopped, I think not." MrBill stated, "Opened the pizza and all the pepperoni was stacked in the center. The Italian sausage was about an inch in all the way around the edge." Another colorful review from a colorful username over at Kroger, "Barbarella" seemed dissatisfied with the pizza from every available angle. "This pizza was absolutely disgusting," they stated, deriding the sauce as "highly acidic tomato paste" and describing everything from the pepperoni to the crust as completely flavorless. "Just skip this all together," was their final word before giving it just one star out of five.

In general, however, more pizza-eaters than not seem to be happy with the pie. There aren't too many reviews to judge from — it isn't one of the brand's flagship products — but the rating average on Kroger is 4.5 stars from 5. In fact, 13 of the 16 reviews in that venue give the pizza full marks, along with statements like, "I have eaten 8 to 10 of these pizzas and they have all been fantastic" and "best frozen pizza we've ever had." A Screamin' Sicilian also came in second in our ranking of frozen pizza brands. Just like the classic New York versus Chicago-style pizza debate, clearly a significant part of what makes a pizza great is in the mouth of the pie-holder, if you will.