Why J. Kenji López-Alt Never Orders Cheese Pizza In NYC

Nothing gets J. Kenji López-Alt more fired up than hearing someone order a "cheese pizza" in New York City – a linguistic slip that sent the cookbook author and food influencer into a full-blown rant on his Patreon. "Let's be clear: in New York, 'cheese pizza' does not exist," he wrote. When I asked him why someone ordering a cheese pizza in NYC shook him to the core, he said, "I hope people know I'm just messing around. Pizza should be one of the great unifiers. Order it however you like, using whatever language you want." But, as a former New Yorker myself, I get it.

New Yorkers take their pizza as seriously as López-Alt takes his pizza topping mantra. Just like how  they have certain lingo — "bodega," "stoop," "schlepping," "the city" — New Yorkers also have their own code for pizza. The language is a part of the culture — and in New York, a "cheese pizza" is what they call a "plain slice." So I can't help but think López-Alt actually does tick a little every time he hears it. I, for one, raise my eyebrows whenever I spot someone eating a slice from any NYC hole-in-the-wall pizza joint with a fork and knife instead of folding it in half and devouring it on the way to the subway.

I asked J. Kenji López-Alt to weigh in on another pizza dilemma: Does pineapple belong on pizza? "I enjoy pineapple on pizza, especially paired with some spicy and salty toppings. Pepperoni plus pickled jalapeño plus pineapple, or pineapple plus hot soppressata, for instance," he said. Good food is about balancing flavors, so it's no surprise that López-Alt — who knows good food like the back of his hand — doesn't balk at the thought of pineapple on pizza. On the contrary, it made him reflect an amazing pizza he had in Colombia, where "the pineapple was cooked down with a bit of rum and dolloped on top almost like a jam with slices of hot chorizo."

At the end of the day, whether you're topping it with pineapple jam in Colombia or grabbing a "plain slice" in New York, López-Alt reminds us that pizza is personal. Just don't call that plain slice a "cheese" unless you want to make a New Yorker twitch. Like any city, the locals have their own unspoken codes. According to López-Alt — in his comparably less-pizza-passionate home city of Seattle, Washington — it's carrying an umbrella. "I made that mistake when I first moved here. It's still useful for some situations, but it's definitely one of those strange regional faux pas that indicates you're either a tourist, a transplant, or a renegade," he said.