10 Low-Sugar Dutch Bros Drinks, Ranked Worst To Best

As a native Oregonian, I've witnessed the explosion of the Dutch Bros brand firsthand. What was once a semi-local, quirky business now enjoys national recognition for its over-the-top, caffeinated beverages that rival some of Starbucks' most popular drinks. The coffee chain began as a pushcart in the rural town of Grants Pass, Oregon, in 1992, and has now flourished into a West Coast staple.

Dutch Bros has created a coffee culture where drinks receive an indulgent amount of syrups, sprinkles, and sauces, and many even take a dip into a blender. This lighthearted avenue into coffee, along with the staff's signature over-the-top enthusiasm, has become synonymous with the brand. However, the chain also provides sugar-conscious consumers a handful of sugar-free alternatives to its sweet beverages. In order to test its low-sugar offerings out, I drove through Dutch Bros' royal blue pick-up window and tested some of the brand's sugar-free drinks, ranking them from worst to best based on their taste. 

Dutch Bros' Golden Eagle owes its tawny tone to sugar-free caramel sauce and creamer. An actual avian species inhabiting the skies of Oregon, the liquid variation of the Golden Eagle lacks the awe-inspiring buzz of spotting the bird of prey in the flesh. Instead, it crash-lands on the palate like a store-bought concoction from hell.

The cloying caramel overpowers every other element of the drink and manages to elbow its double shot of espresso out of the way entirely. The flavor of the sugar-free sweetener overwhelms the espresso, leaving a lingering plastic sting beneath the caramel. The caramel's heaviness weighed down the drink, sinking the Golden Eagle further into an abysmal ditch of sensorial confusion. It's about as far as you can get from a refreshing drink imaginable; the beverage should be revised into a lighter, more quaffable version deserving of its winged namesake.

This drink's name conjures the trappings of a horror movie more than a little treat of a beverage. The disturbingly-named Double Torture boasts two additional shots of espresso (four in total), sugar-free chocolate sauce, sugar-free vanilla syrup, and half and half. Like an adrenaline junkie prepared to bungee jump off a caffeinated cliff, I hyped myself up to endure a blast of a daredevil-level of caffeine. Despite its aggressive title, it was shockingly mild — especially compared to Dutch Bros' roster of excessive drinks. 

Perhaps my years behind a café counter hardened me to extreme levels of caffeine and left me unfortunately addled with an overblown tolerance for espresso's strength, but even the other Dutch Bros' drinks packed a heftier punch than the fake-out of the Double Torture. The somewhat mild and undefined mixture of sauce and syrup left a lacy texture on my tongue that only several sips of sparkling water could wipe away. The recipe developers behind the Dutch Bros brand decide to conceal instead of spotlight their coffee beans behind a curtain of superfluous sugar-free sweeteners, which only serve to confuse the flavor of the beverage into a middling cocktail of overstated promise.

I anticipated the Caramelizer, a beverage dependent on half and half, espresso, and sugar-free caramel and chocolate sauces, would be like a reunion special of a reality show — greedily and not without guilt. Though I knew the drink likely would provide only a moment of pleasure before the sugar-free sauces would crash me into a mid-day ennui fit for a Bright Eyes refresher. Though the drink's ingredient list includes four harmonious flavors — coffee, cream, caramel, and chocolate – something about the Caramelizer remained mysterious and undefined.

Despite the half and half's role in this beverage, it came off as surprisingly watery. None of the ingredients could assert themselves enough for the drink to arrive at a solid thesis. The Caramelizer appears to be one of Dutch Bros' only obvious attempts to imitate beverages from Starbucks. Not only does it under-deliver, but it also strays from its strengths. 

The Kicker is touted as one of the eight beverage classics Dutch Bros offers in a sugar-free variety. The drink, like most of the brand's beverages, can be enjoyed hot or over ice. I opted to have this brew made over ice since the day I pulled into the drive-thru crested the 70-degree Fahrenheit mark. This breve coffee drink blends espresso shots over rich half and half and Irish cream syrup (sans booze). I was glad I ordered this drink iced, as a hot version would've offered no interruption to the thick richness of half and half.

The Irish cream-flavored drink tamped down the intensity of the cream, which otherwise threatened to overtake the dolled-up caffeine hit. Though I feared that the dairy element would drown out any coffee-tasting notes, the Kicker still managed to deliver a distinct coffee flavor, even though its paleness reminded me of my Glossier foundation. The Kicker satisfied my coffee craving, but after the entirety of the drink passed through my lips, I found a slight film clinging to my tongue, which unsettled me until I could find an errant stick of gum in my purse.

One of Dutch Bros' most disconcertingly titled drinks, the Annihilator, perhaps earns its name because it contains sugar-free chocolate macadamia nut syrup — therefore, is ... nuts? Name aside, the drink mixes the aforementioned macadamia syrup with espresso and half and half. This drink, which is tawny in color, thankfully didn't live up to its frightening title, and even offered the most impressive aroma of the bunch — thanks to the chocolate macadamia syrup.

Like every other drink on this list, Dutch Bros openly squirts sugar-free syrup without shame. We all happily forgo any craftsmanship whenever we rush through a Dutch Bros lane. So, while the bleakly named beverage only assembles mediocre espresso, creamers, and faux sweetener, its gleeful frivolity balks in the face of coffee snobbery. The combination of chocolate macadamia sweetener, cream, and coffee tastes good together for the same reason why an oversized poppyseed muffin from one of Costco's plastic shells hits: Because we just can't help ourselves once confronted with a quick fix for a sugar high.

When I pulled up to the window to order my plain-Jane Americano (no sugar, no cream), I was met with Dutch Bros' employees blasting White Cherry's "Play That Funky Music." Like a scene from a peak-era teen movie, the Dutch Bros staff seemed to be sincerely enjoying their day, each other's company, and the song I associate with weddings and office parties. The team's exuberance made me wish I had chimed in with a more exciting order to match the staff's bubbly energy. 

But, alas, as I gripped my 12-ounce Americano and drove away, the feeling of youth wafted out my rolled-down window. It dissipated even more when I stared down at Dutch Bros' confusing hot beverage lid. It was similar to a flat lid, with a slot for a straw, but it protruded about a half-inch from the cup. I was worried about dousing my fingers in hot coffee as I traversed about my day. 

Sadly, an indecipherable, thin brew met my lips with not even a tenth of the personality of the workers who served it to me. The temperature proved so piping that I poured a fourth of the drink out my window to drink it lidless while driving. Although the drink lacked personality compared to the charred offerings at Starbucks, that simplicity endeared me to the Americano — and it also provided the perk I needed midmorning.

Once my visor-adorned barista handed over my mocha cold brew, I knew I had evaded my biggest fears about iced beverages. I unhappily anticipated a thick, overtly-sweet chocolate milk passing as a cold brew, but received a dark, lightly-creamy iced drink sans any noticeable syrup streaks along the cup's interior.

The mocha cold brew, which was by far the most mature of any of the composed drinks from Dutch Bros' sugar-free menu, leans heavily on the brand's formidable and flavorful cold brew. While the coffee giant's espresso lacks dimension, perhaps because the brand wanted a catch-all shot that could blend easily into all of its menu offerings, the cold brew coffee boasts an earthiness that happily marries the dark chocolate undertones of the sugar-free sauce.

Similarly, the chocolatey cold brew was topped with the ideal amount of ice, which both resisted over-dilution and even served as a cooling sidekick as the ice slouched into flavored water. It's one of the only sugar-free menu items made sans half and half; the potency of the mocha cold brew paired with the lack of dairy lent the beverage a more laid-back, low-maintenance quality I appreciated even more after the milky onslaught of the other coffee beverages.

Full disclosure: I love energy drinks. After years of cycling between full-blown dependency and cold turkey quitting, I've now submitted myself and my body to a moderate energy drink intake of roughly two to three Hiballs a week. The Double Rainbro pairs Rebel with a mix of sugar-free strawberry, peach, and coconut syrup, served iced or blended. As I am particularly susceptible to the torture of brain freeze, I selected the iced variation and was handed an ombré liquid colored like a smoggy cityscape's setting sun.

Both striking and ominous, the Double Rainbro strummed the familiar vitamin-C twang of many popular energy drinks. It offered an inviting intermission to the coffee-heavy taste-test, ideal for caffeine addicts adverse to coffee. That said, the Double Rainbro's trio of sugar-free syrups can't quite clear the hurdle of creating a truly unique or craveable drink and instead taste generically sweet, rather than the synthesis of the individual fruit flavors.

Whereas Dutch Bros' espresso is a blank slate or background actor in some of its bombastic drinks, its cold brew remains a solid character actor. I often find cold brew to be like the stout beer of the coffee world, wherein its devotees convince themselves it's worth enduring stomachache-inducing slop to prove themselves connoisseurs. This is a pleasant yet sturdy brew that boasts enough strength for caffeine-addicted office workers, while remaining light for those who prefer a cold brew to accompany them on a walk. 

Dutch Bros' cold brew is earthy, uncomplicated, and strong, and it doesn't need to exert its presence using brute force. The cold brew now replaces the brand's Americano as my go-to, no-frills order. Like a perfect plus-one, Dutch Bros' uncomplicated cold brew knows its place on a menu full of loud partygoers and scene stealers. Many of Dutch Bros' drinks are captivating in small doses, yet not suited for everyday. To mellow out a menu containing so much main character energy, Dutch Bros' decision-makers wisely rounded out its colorful offerings with a solid, stripped-down drink capable of achieving greatness without rubbernecking appeal.

The Cocomo featured sugar-free coconut syrup, half and half, and sugar-free chocolate sauce. Despite the bold choice to feature an ingredient as polarizing as coconut (I fall firmly into the "love it" camp), the Cocomo soared above its caffeinated classmates and landed at the very pinnacle of the chain's sugar-free menu.

Confidently restrained, balanced, and evocative of a sippable Almond Joy, the Cocomo evades the common pitfalls of Dutch Bros' other beverages: the excessive syrups, unnecessary flavor combinations, and (worst of all) short lifespan when served iced. Even while sweating in my Subaru's beverage holster, the Cocomo withstood melting ice better than the other sugar-free menu staples. The Cocomo managed to find harmony between nearly silly extravagance and the stripped-away simplicity of a more austere coffee order. It's a punchy treat after a punishing day's work or as a slightly decadent midday pick-me-up. While it may not be an everyday order, it will whisper to me on days I know that the balm of a boutique coffee drink won't satiate the unique ache of adult ennui. 

To endure the endeavor of consuming all of these caffeinated beverages, I spaced out my orders to less than four drinks per visit. This staved off both a caffeine-induced headache and prevented the drinks from becoming too watered down in between sips. I ranked each drink based on how much I enjoyed its flavor, its originality, if it was caffeinated enough, and how well it could hide its artificial sweetener flavor. 

While my gratification from each of the drinks varied, the impressive consistency of every Dutch Bros employee I encountered was unwavering. I opted for the iced version of the beverages for all but one drink (the Americano). However, hot variations are also offered due to Dutch Bros' refusal to brew a pot of drip coffee. Though Americanos are widely drunk both over ice and piping hot, I wanted to experience the Bros' only hot, black coffee offering to both pick out the espresso's flavor profile, undiluted. 

I truly believe the business owes its success, at least in part, to the almost vintage enthusiasm of the Dutch Bros baristas. Though I'm sure finer coffee drinks can easily be found in many cities Dutch Bros calls home, the combination of the drive-thrus' convenience matched with its employees' convivial, upbeat nature creates a coffee culture I'll happily sip from any day.