The Absolute Worst Boxed Chocolates To Buy For Your Valentine

The pressure to get everything "just right" on Valentine's Day can sour any appetite. Don't make it worse by gifting your sweetheart an unappetizing chocolate, too. In our ranking of 12 store-bought boxed chocolates, Queen Anne Cordial Cherries fell to the dreaded last place position. Queen Anne proudly totes a claim of being the #1 brand of cherry cordials in the U.S. (it's all over the brand's website) and indeed, flavorful maraschino cherries and vanilla cream enrobed in chocolate sounds like a pretty good gig ... right?

For starters, these sadly disappointing cordials don't even come in a novelty heart-shaped box (so much for festive gift-giving this V-Day). Beyond any holiday-themed let-down, the unchanging aesthetic of the year-round packaging is kind of a shabby, dated drag. There's something to be said for vintage flair and recognizable branding, but this tired packaging design is in need of a modern facelift (or at least a makeover). That's just what's on the outside, and it's "what's on the inside that counts," (or whatever gentle way your Valentine's date side-steps the question "Do you like my new shirt?"). 

In our review, we docked major points for Queen Anne Cordial Cherries' underwhelmingly one-note profile. Rather than a vibrant cherry center, ingredients like corn syrup, Red #40, palm oil, sulfur dioxide preservative, and soy lecithin emulsifier come together for what our taste tester described as "a sickeningly sweet, condensed milk-like filling along with the smallest morsel of cherry imaginable ... that sweetness wasn't from the cherries nor the chocolate. Rather, it was from that mysterious, milky-looking substance."

It's also worth noting that Queen Anne Cordial Cherries come in both milk and dark chocolate options, and we reviewed the slightly more bitter dark chocolate version. By this assessment, fans can expect off-the-charts, unbalanced sweetness from the milk chocolate iteration. Another big sin here was the lack of variety. Most Valentine's Day chocolate boxes contain an assortment of different flavored V-Day chocolates with different fillings. Oddly enough, Queen Anne does offer other flavors, such as Cherry Cola and French Vanilla, so a mixed box is possible — it just doesn't seem to exist.

With Queen Anne, you get a box packed with 20 to 30 identical cherry cordials, and in order for this to be appealing, you have to really, really like Queen Anne's cherry cordials. Alas, we did not. While these ultra-sweet cherry chocolates might have earned higher marks as part of an assortment, the prospect of having to get through an entire box of 'em made our teeth hurt to even consider. And just pray you don't get a box with even one busted-open cherry, which can turn the inside of the entire box into an unattractive, sticky mess as the mystery filling leaks out and gets everywhere. 

Still, no one is accusing Queen Anne of inaccessibility. Retailers from dollar stores to supermarkets and pharmacies sell the #1 cordial cherries in the U.S. At a Walmart in Chicago, the 19.8-ounce, magenta-hued Valentine's Day box loaded with 30 chocolates costs $16.99. Or, a pack of four 6.6-ounce boxes costs around $22 on Amazon, each packed with 10 cordials, perfect for gifting to all ... four of your Valentines (...or enemies?)