Ranking Every Classic Halloween Candy from Worst to Best
Remember the good ol’ days, when your mom forced you to wear a white turtleneck under your carefully planned Halloween costume to protect you from that 7 p.m. October chill? (Just me?) You raided the neighborhood for candy, always knowing which blessed houses would bequeath king-size candy bars and which would stick you with a box of raisins. After a few hours of treasure hunting, you returned home with a bulging sack of goodies, ready to spread them out on the kitchen table and separate the good from the bad.
Jump forward a few years. The candies you loved then are probably the candies you still love now. After asking around the TT office, though, I found that everyone's nostalgia-induced candy opinions are a bit different. In the spirit of the season, I've taken it upon myself to rank all of the familiar treats from the very worst to the very best.
Beware: This is one woman’s sugar-coated opinion. Sure, you may not agree with all of my decisions, but at least we can all agree to hate those raisin-wielding monsters.
25. ANYTHING besides candy
Some of the horrific offerings TT team members have memories of receiving include apples, pretzels, raisins, rulers, pencils and toothbrushes. None of these are OK.
As our CFO so eloquently states, "Dots are a punishment."
23. Laffy Taffy
The fact that banana is a flavor should be enough of a reason for their poor ranking.
22. Tootsie Rolls
Compared to the great, big world of Halloween candy, they're tiny and hard to chew, and they're EVERYWHERE.
Admit it: Whenever you buy the party pack of assorted candy, these are always the rejects left at the bottom of the bag.
20. Almond Joys
If you love fake coconut flavoring and the unpleasant crunch of whole nuts in your candy, these are for you.
Slightly better, because at least those nuts are gone.
Kind-of-sour sugar tablets. Woo-hoo.
17. Hershey's Chocolate Bars
These never hurt anybody, but they can never stand up to chocolate bars full of caramel and nougat.
16. Crunch Bars
Some people might say these bars are just mediocre chocolate and air bubbles, and those people would be right.
On any other day of the year, Twizzlers are a pretty great candy. On Halloween, they're a disappointment.
14. Swedish Fish
These pleasantly sweet gummies are often passable, but you'd be hard-pressed to find them while trick-or-treating. Classic Halloween candy they are not.
13. Junior Mints
Great for movie theaters and the elderly, these melty, minty morsels are actually pretty delicious.
12. Candy Corn
Probably the most polarizing candy on this list, but in the end, they're just sugar. What is Halloween really about if not sugar?
They'll never be as satisfying as a good ol’ chocolate bar, but when you're craving something fruity (but not, like, actual fruit), these rainbow pieces hit the spot.
One of the more underrated chocolate bars out there. The mysterious filling inside these babies is delicious every time.
Because everyone has experienced the casual annoyance of watching a handful of M&M’s bleed color into his or her palm. These will always be a classic.
8. Kit Kats
Really tasty, crunchy chocolate bars with a really annoying jingle.
7. Reese's Pieces
Like M&M’s but better.
6. 3 Musketeers
Pretty good, but they’re just Milky Ways without the caramel, making them obviously inferior.
5. Sour Patch Kids
The only fruity/gummy candy incredible enough to stand out among the chocolate bigwigs. These kiddos are there for you when you’re feeling sour or sweet. And don't even get me started on Sour Patch Watermelons.
4. Milky Ways
Chocolaty, chewy and creamy: There's nothing bad about Milky Ways. They’re only flaw is they’re missing a bit of crunch to break up their stick-to-your-teeth texture.
These have it all. Nougat, peanuts, caramel and chocolate give them a hefty bite, and make them one of the most filling and satisfying of candy bars.
I was genuinely shocked to discover the amount of people in the TT office playing for Team Twix. I’ve always felt their cookie base meant they weren't true candy bars, but we can all get on board with how delicious they are.
1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Reese's Cups are the perfect candy, and I will stand by that forever. The ratio of chocolate to peanut butter is sublime, and the feeling of sinking your teeth into that pillowy cup is nirvana. I'm speaking, of course, about the original-size cup, but the minis are still good enough to merit the top spot. Bravo, Reese's.
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