How To Actually Eat Those Overstuffed Tall Burgers

You've seen them on Instagram — those mile-high burgers stacked with everything but the kitchen sink. They look impressive, but let's be honest: how are you supposed to eat one without making a total mess? A lot of people take the simplest route. They grab a knife and fork and treat it like a deconstructed salad. You'll get better control over each bite and a more balanced mix of toppings without having to unhinge your jaw.

Others swear by the strategic squish. Apply just enough pressure to compress the burger slightly without sending all the condiments shooting out the sides. If you're dealing with a double-patty monster, some people suggest splitting it into two open-faced sandwiches — a two-for-one win. Then there's the burger engineer. They've got a system, a grip, an angle, and a rule that you never put the burger down mid-meal. Whatever your method, these burgers aren't casual eats. They take coordination, a bit of finesse, and an appetite to match.

Tall burgers are designed to grab attention, but wide, classic burgers are where the real flavor lives. They've got the perfect ratio of juicy patties, melty cheese, and toppings that stay put, especially if you flip your burger upside down to help everything hold together. You can pick it up with one hand, bite cleanly through every layer, and actually enjoy your meal instead of battling your food.

Take the smash burger, for example, which many argue is better than a regular burger. No gimmicks, just a well-balanced burger that doesn't require strategy or silverware. Compare that to a tall burger, where you might be chewing through two inches of bun before you even hit meat. If you have to dissect your meal with utensils, stack onion rings on top just for looks, or stretch your jaw like Scooby Doo just to get a bite, what's the point?

Tall burgers often come with thick patties that are harder to cook evenly, making it risky to order them medium-rare or rare. Unlike steak, which only needs a good sear on the outside, rare burgers aren't safe because the grinding process spreads contaminants throughout the meat. Wider patties are easier to sear and stack for max flavor without risking food safety. Sure, there's room for all kinds of burgers, but if you polled most people, the wide burger would still come out on top.