The Best and Scariest Halloween Decorations—for Free
Are you nostalgic for an era when Halloween didn’t suffer from the pains of commercialization, bloated with overpriced princess costumes and spoiled kids filling their grubby hands with neighbors’ candy? It’s time we reach into our hearts and remember what Halloween is truly about: fear.
Living your worst nightmare and running from things that go bump in the night are the cornerstones of this great holiday, and they deserve to be celebrated. Therefore, we’ve put together a handy guide for prepping your home for peak ghastly goodness and ghostly glamour—and it won’t cost you a thing.
Here are 12 of the best and scariest ways to decorate for your Halloween party—for free—in the true spirit of the season.
① Don’t clean your home for four to six months. This will allow (authentic) cobwebs to form and a thick layer of dust to settle on all your furniture. Guests will love it.
② Raid your fridge for almost-empty containers of ketchup, chocolate syrup, etc., and smear the substances on your walls. This will add both a spooky look AND a frightful smell to your home.
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③ Leave a carton of milk out on your counter for approximately 10 days. Pour the resulting liquid into a large bowl and label it Witch’s Brew. Don’t forget the cute paper straws!
④ Using a flyswatter, kill and collect any insects that enter your home. Scatter their bodies on your tables and chairs just before the party starts.
⑤ Leave the faucets (slightly) running in all of your sinks so that guests are constantly tormented by the sounds of dripping water.
⑥ Using your smartphone device, record yourself screaming and play said recording on repeat. For hours.
⑦ Instead of purchasing beverages for your guests, just pour a few liters of soda on your kitchen floor the day before the holiday. This will result in an unpleasant stickiness for anyone who walks through—kids and adults alike. Spooky.
⑧ Since we know you never took the time to throw out last year’s Halloween pumpkin, just display its decrepit remains in your home again this year.
⑨ Consume a bucket of chicken wings from your restaurant of choice, then leave the bones out on your couches during the party and answer no questions. If you’re worried about upholstery stains, simply run the bones through the gentle cycle of your dishwasher first.
⑩ Using scissors, cut out one family member (or ex) from any photographs. Display them in fun Etsy frames if you happen to have some lying around!
⑪ Pour honey on all of your doorknobs and give guests a sticky surprise when they try to enter a room. Bonus: If you have a bee colony of your own, feel free to move the angry swarm indoors for this special occasion.
⑫ Write “Can you see me?” with your nondominant hand on pieces of paper and leave them around your home.
And remember: Have fun!
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