Recap: Episode 5 Of 'Martha And Snoop'

The recap series you never asked for, but we're giving it to you anyway

Welcome to another recap of Martha and Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party, or 30 minutes of forced and sophomoric jokes about balls and nuts. By now, you may have correctly identified that this show shouldn't be able to exist in any semblance of a reasonable world, but, hey, this is 2016 we're talking about.

This week, Snoop and Martha get into the holiday spirit during an episode tastefully named "Deck the Balls." We're talking Christmas carolers, spiked eggnog and Martha saying "fa shizzle" for the first time. Snoop even promises a Frosty the Snowman stripper, but Martha won't allow it. As you can imagine, it has us feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

In the spirit of giving, here are five of the most special moments from this festive occasion.

① Martha sets out to make eggnog from scratch, stirring together egg yolks, sugar and milk. In true Martha Stewart fashion, she advises, "Make sure your yolks are from your own backyard hens."

"Yes, they must come from your hens," Snoop adds with a smirk.

② Martha also states that she has about 25 Christmas trees in her house every year, because, naturally, every room gets at least two or three. Same, Martha. Same.

③ This week's guests are Jamie Chung (who's nice enough to gift Snoop with Christmas boxers reading "nice balls") and Jason Derulo (who was allegedly "glistening" when Martha saw him in concert in France).

④ While Snoop gets to work on his yuletide catfish and shrimp dinner, Martha and Derulo tackle a classic croquembouche. When Martha suggests slowly inserting a pastry bag tip into a cream puff ball and squeezing, no one even bothers to contain themselves.

⑤ They close out the show by singing a very tone-deaf, very Martha-and-Snoop-esque version of the "12 Days of Christmas," with lyrics featuring three pillow shams, two "wiggle-wiggles" and "the back of the finest OG."

Confused? So are we.