Gwyneth Paltrow Is Hosting An Absurd Wellness Festival

'Flower remedies' and 'sound baths' are only the beginning

If you weren't satisfied spending $10 on a Gwyneth Paltrow-approved mushroom coffee at The Royal Tenenbaums alum's new café, have we got news for you.

The founder of lifestyle brand goop is fulfilling your most pressing wellness needs with In goop Health, a health conference focusing on everything from "gut imbalances to sexual health," Eater reports. The one-day conference will take place in Los Angeles on June 10 at something called "the goop hall," and will feature beauty products, food and interactive programming. In true Gwyneth Paltrow fashion, the whole thing will be executed as absurdly as possible. Let us walk you through some of the most Paltrow-esque facets of this goopy, guru-led chakra extravaganza.

① The Crystal Therapy

We wish we were kidding when we say this session is led by their "resident goop shaman."

② The I.V. Drip

For people who "spent Friday night hitting the bottle a little too hard," goop urges you to skip your usual Gatorade-and-Advil fix and hook yourself up to that IV for the most extreme hydration technique we'll ever be able to fathom.

③ The Flower Remedy Station


④ The Sound Bath

If you've always wanted to "feel the calming effects" of crystal singing bowls on a "cellular level," Paltrow will NOT let you down.

In all seriousness, the conference is attracting some seriously big names who will gather for the cause of health and wellness, including Cameron Diaz, Lena Dunham, Tory Burch and Nicole Richie. If you can afford the price of admission (ranging from $500 to $1,500), we can guarantee a goopy time will be had by all.