Fuzzy Pictures

A drinking game that will keep you tuned in to the Oscars

Many are saying the Academy Awards are going to be a snooze fest this year. I've seen embarrassingly few of the films that are nominated, and 25 percent of the ones I saw were animated. Needless to say, I'm not in the least qualified to judge the films and make predictions.

I can, however, suggest side entertainment for your Oscars party, when it gets too exhausting to watch overpaid actors and actresses parading around all night. And, no, you're not seeing double already: That's just Leonardo DiCaprio walking onto the stage for the 17th time.

Take one drink:

① Every time someone references Leo eating raw meat.

② When someone is visibly intoxicated. No one should have to drink alone.

③ When the music cuts off a winner's speech.

④ If someone manages a one-word acceptance speech. This should make up for the drinking caused by number three.

⑤ If you see Matt Damon eating a potato.

⑥ When you hear, "I'd like to thank the Academy . . ."

⑦ If there's a reference to Jennifer Lawrence tripping. We all stumble on something at least monthly; let's collectively move on.

Take two drinks:

⑧ Of water! Every time there's a commercial break. Tastes like responsibility.

⑨ There's an Emo Kylo Ren joke. With caution, though—you may laugh so hard at the parody Twitter account that something could go down the wrong pipe.

⑩ When there are tears.

Bonus actions:

⑪ Shotgun a beer if Chris Rock wears sneakers with a suit. If he can keep it casual, so can you.

⑫ Take a shot if two people show up to the red carpet in the same outfit. Two shots, if they happen to be reckless in Givenchy.

⑬ Chug for five seconds if Neil Patrick Harris crashes the show with another genius performance worthy of a Best Original Song nomination itself.

Finish your drink if:

⑭ Kanye West shows up.