15 Dining Etiquette Mistakes You Should Avoid

Whether you've been invited to a seven-course meal or you just have questions about how to eat soup in public, you might need some dining advice. And we're here for you. We have answers about what fork you need, how to dispose of olive pits, or when it's okay to eat with your fingers (asparagus sometimes, surprisingly). More often than not, most of our dining situations fall on the informal side of the spectrum but this doesn't mean we can forego basic etiquette rules. Manners aren't just about making you into a posh robot — good etiquette helps to make those around you feel respected and comfortable. And that's the key to getting invited back, darling — that and a divine hostess gift.

Unfortunately, if your first big occasion is eating lobster or oysters at a White House dinner, this guide is probably too little, too late. However, if you're just looking to get through a dinner with your (possibly) uptight in-laws then we have your back. So take off your hat, find your seat, and get ready to dig in.

As we mentioned before, good dining etiquette isn't just about old-school rules like keeping your elbows off the table. When you're dining alone, feel free to scroll through your phone the entire time. However, when you're with other people, you might want to put that phone away. Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule — a new babysitter or a sick relative for example — but mindlessly thumbing through TikTok has never constituted an emergency.

Etiquette educator Candace Smith points out that formal dining rules stipulate that no object unrelated to the meal should ever be present at the table. Casual dining may not be as strict, but many people still frown on their use in the company of others. Whether or not it's rude to use your cell phone at the table continues to be widely debated ever since the arrival of these mini supercomputers. But consider this: Why would someone want to have dinner with a companion who obviously has better things to do?

There are occasions when you'll know that it's okay to begin eating before the host. Anytime you're snacking without being seated — say hors d'oeuvres and cocktails — you're fine to pop one in your mouth. An informal backyard barbeque is probably alright as well if people aren't all seated around one big table. Another situation where it's usually fine to start eating before everyone else is served is at a buffet. Obviously, in all these situations, use common sense to decide what to do. You don't want to be lining up for seconds before other diners haven't even received their first serving.

Being seated doesn't always mean that you need to wait, either. If the host tells you to go ahead, then you're free to start eating. If they haven't said anything, however, it might be best to wait. They may be planning a toast or blessing before the meal and having a mouthful of lasagna at that moment is a bad look.

This is a big one, we know. Unless you're seated at a table with loads of room and you can clearly see which bread plate is yours and which water glass you can sip, you might need a little hint. Plates and glasses can be especially confusing when seated at a round table, as there's no beginning or end to help you out.

With help from Emily Post, the doyenne of all things civilized, we have a foolproof way for you to pick the proper plate. If you were to make lowercase b and d with your hands, you'd notice that the bread plate just happens to be on your left-hand side and your drink is on your right-hand side. While this might just be a coincidence, it's also a terrific way to discretely ascertain where to drop your dinner roll (make your finger letters under the table if you have to). Another letter-based way to remember is to use the acronym "BMW" — bread, meal, water, from left to right.

How you hold and use your utensils will depend on a few different things. In the U.S., many diners use the cut-and-switch method, using the left hand to cut food and then switching the fork to the left hand to eat. In the European or continental style, diners hold their knife in their right hand and use their left to eat, holding their forks with the tines facing down and picking up bites that way.

Now, this is all well and good if your left hand is your non-dominant hand. If you're a lefty, never fear. You'll still be able to manage, even in the most formal setting, with a little know-how and confidence. Many people find it easy enough to mirror either style, just in reverse, and there's nothing wrong with this way of dining. The biggest problem you'll face is a lack of elbow room, as you'll be overlapping with the person on that side. If you know the host well, request to sit at the end of the table so you can use your dominant hand freely and without impediment.

Sometimes, it's perfectly acceptable to use your fingers to eat certain foods. Keep in mind that, like most other things on this list, you should take your cue from the host if you're in doubt. Another excellent clue that your fingers are welcome utensils is the presence of finger bowls on the table. Fried chicken, ribs, corn on the cob, sandwiches, and tacos are all perfectly fine to eat out of hand. In some instances, even asparagus or artichokes can be finger food because of some weird rules in fancy restaurants. If it's not drenched in sauce, feel free to put down your fork and use your digits — just don't lick your fingers afterward.

As for cocktail events, where you're mingling and snacking, eating with your fingers is practically the only way to go. It's unlikely that you'll be expected to use cutlery when you're not seated, so go ahead and grab a canapé as the tray makes its way by. However, keep in mind that these situations often occur in a meet-and-greet situation, so keep a napkin nearby to avoid introducing yourself with greasy paws.

In North America, there are a few rules to follow when dealing with noodles. Notably, no slurping, which isn't frowned upon in other parts of the world. If you're in a ramen or pho house, slurping up all the goodness is looked at with a certain amount of appreciation. But how to deal with long, saucy strands of pasta or a deep bowl of broth here, especially in a more formal setting?

You might think you know how to deal with noodles — either by cutting them all up into bite-sized bits or by wrapping them up using a spoon. The answer, sadly, is neither. Cutting your noodles up will only make you look like a child, to be honest. And you won't need the spoon if you only attempt a few noodles at a time and use the rise of the bowl to help twirl them. For soup, use the wide-bowl spoon and scoop towards yourself. Sip the liquid off the spoon, without slurping. To get the last of the soup, tilt the bowl away from you (to avoid spilling it into your lap) and spoon it up.

So you've dealt with what fork is used for what and where to put your bread roll. What about anything that you don't particularly want to finish off, like shrimp shells, woody asparagus ends, olive pits, lemon rinds, or who knows what else? And don't forget about gristle, the bane of a meat eater's existence.

First, how do you deal with something inedible in your mouth? It all depends on whether you were expecting it or not. If it's part of the meal, like an artichoke leaf or an edamame pod, just consume the edible part and carry on with your meal. If it's something unexpected, like that aforementioned gristle, just discretely remove it from your mouth and place it on your plate. You'll be thrilled to know that the upper left portion of your plate is the designated spot for anything inedible. Depending on the situation, you may also find that you've been provided with a separate receptacle for discards, especially when eating seafood.